Two Sundays ago, our pastor spoke on what the New Year will bring. I don't know about you, but I am the type that is very apprehensive about the New Year because of past struggles and thinking that it will repeat itself. (I'm also somewhat of a pessimist if you didn't know that already :) Something I would love to change about myself. We need to leave the past behind us and not dwell on the the failures or the triumphs of the past year or years. It is a year of new beginnings. We heard this last year but that was more for new births of ministries and God birthing desires in people. 2008 had its struggles, that's for sure, but God is bigger than our struggles. It's hard to see that in the middle of them, I know. Also it will be a year of new provisions for people financially, which is something we could all use.
I know it is a year of new beginnings for us, because we will become a family of 3.
Today he spoke on finding our purposes in life. We're not just here to live but to do His work. I've heard that phrase so many times and I'm still struggling with finding what is my purpose and not hanging off Jason's coattails of his purpose. The whole sermon I was pointing a finger at myself. With finding my purpose, I should find joy, which is something I haven't had a lot of, ashamedly. I don't know if I'm having a pregnant moment or it's something deeper, which it probably is, but I have not been able to stop crying today. Have you ever had one of those days? I've heaped some much "stuff" on myself about finances, baby stuff, my job, life, that I just dumped on Jason today after church and kind of freaked him out. He doesn't know why I'm crying and doesn't know how to help me and I can't articulate why I'm crying! I feel like such a mess. Life is just being life and I'll get through it.
On other happier notes, my pregnancy is just clipping along at a rather fast pace I might add. I had my glucose test on Friday and passed, but was found to be low on iron, so I'm on a supplement for that. My next month check-up I'll have to schedule my appointment every two weeks. Where is the time going? We don't really have any names picked and nailed down. Our "baby room/guest" room has nothing changed, other than Jason did build us some closet organizers this week which gives us more room for our clothes. We don't really have much of anything right now, but we still have some time.
I started school again after the break, which didn't really feel like a break for me. I'm not working 1 on 1 anymore which is such a relief. My first 3 classes are all juniors or seniors and 1 student in each, my fourth class is freshmen with 4 kids in there and it's not too bad. So that's going better, but that still doesn't mean I'm anxious to get out of bed every morning. We've been having some late nights and I'm starting to feel tired again at times and during some classes it's hard not to fall asleep.
The babies of '09 are starting to show their faces. Congrats to Christine on having Dylan Mark Peters, Faith on having Noah Josiah Kingston and Teresa Wiebe on having Zachary Peter Wiebe. I hope this boy thing isn't a trend for the year. My husband my not agree with that trend.
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2 comments:
As weird as it sounds, it's good to just break down sometimes. I think it's a reality check- how is my life going and what am I supposed to be doing with it? It's hard when you don't know and don't see a clear answer to the future, but at least you are really looking at yourself and asking these questions. You probably are crying uncontrollably because of your preggo-ness, but I think it's also a sign of a good deep change! I already have a girl gift for you, but that's not prophetic, that's just because Jason is getting to me. And don't worry about the baby's sex- EVERYTHING is perfect when you hold him/her in your arms. You could find out 8 months and three weeks into it too. I'm just saying.
Hey sweetie,
Thanks for sharing your heart. Don't you love the wonderful things hormones do to our emotions? You seem to have a good idea of processing this stuff, though. I will come along side you in prayer and ask the Lord to speak into His perfect plan for you. I know part of it is raising a little one! : ) I am hoping to get to see you again soon so that I can see that little baby bump of yours! So, am I correct in picking up that your hubby wants a girl?
Lots of loves...
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